Sep 30, 2014

I'm Tired




         I'm tired. I'm tired of life. I feel like giving up. I feel like throwing in the towel. I feel like wanting to just jump off the cliff and end all of my misery. Its frustrating, its excruciating, its unbearable. Life is just not fair.
       
         I'm tired. I'm tired for being the one who has to face all these problems. I'm tired for always being the one who has to fake a smile so that everyone else can carry on smiling. So everyone else can focus on their misery and ignoring mine. I'm tired for always being the one who has to forgive. For the one who always have to be the one to apologize when they're at fault. When they were the ones who created the problem. I'm  tired for being the one who has to put up with everybody else's feelings and neglecting my own.
          The one who always has to adapt with other people's behavior thus changing my own to fit into the crowd, rendering me a stranger in my own body and soul. I'm tired, for always being blamed for the ignorant things that ignorant people do. Being blamed for the reckless, irresponsible, stupid acts idiotic people do. I'm tired for always being the one who has to care about what other people think, just to maintain the peace in the community. Always having to caution myself, being extra careful in whatever I do, just because of really judgmental people who cannot focus on themselves instead. I'm tired for always having to be the patient one in troubled times.

          Why?
          Why?
          Why?

         Why can't I just live a smooth life? Why cant I be the one who gets to be frustrated and let others comfort me? Why cant I be the one that everyone else has to adapt to? Why cant I be the one that everyone can accept? Why can't I be the one who gets to leave and not wait?


Life is just unfair. I'm tired. So tired.

       
           But then again, a midst of all my problems, I forget.

I forget that there was one man who faced the most problems. He had haters even beyond his time. When his intentions were so pure, he preached the world to follow the right path. At a younger age, he was called Al Amin, the honest. But the very instant he started to preach, he was hated, insulted with harsh words beyond our imagination. Imagine a situation where your childhood was beautiful, and suddenly the whole community turned against you. Did he falter? No. He kept on preaching because he knew that it was the right thing to do. His name was Muhammad may peace and blessings be upon him. The man with the best of characters.

I forget about Allah the All-Mighty. The Creator of all creations. He created Man, and yet Man shunned Him. He blessed us with infinite blessings from the food we eat, to the air we breathe and yet, we forget to be grateful. There are millions who hated Him, and yet He still gives, and gives, and gives.
Countless times, countless times where we have sinned, where we have disobeyed commandments that are in fact, beneficial for us. The All-Mighty does not need His creations to worship Him, but He commands for His creations to worship Him so He can give more. So He can bless us more, with eternal blessings in the hereafter. Always being there whenever we need Him. Always listening to those who turn to Him. Always planning the best for His creations. And all He asks is to remember Him.

So stop. Stop complaining. Stop being frustrated about all of these problems. Stop thinking that you're facing all of these problems alone. Tame your heart to always keep calm. Tame your heart to always remember Him and to always believe that everything happens for a reason. You deserve peace. You deserve harmony.

So stop,
and just breathe.







Sep 26, 2014

The Risk



            To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. The fool that people feel unworthy of their presence, of their stupidity and of their ignorance.
            To weep is to risk appearing sentimental. Being judged as weak and unable to handle the problem at hand and never will, be strong to face life.
           To reach out for another is to risk involvement. The risk of being drawn into an endless problem, being involved and being criticized for doing so.
           To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self. The fragile part of you, and enabling people to take advantage of you, and or destroy your very being.
           To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss, The risk of failing and losing their trust as an individual who is able to accomplish what he dreams.
           To love is to risk not being loved in return. The risk of rejection and being laughed upon by society because of the differences that caused rejection.
          To hope is to risk despair. For high hopes that ends in disappointment causing despair and anxiety in ourselves.
          To try is to risk failure.

           But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn to feel, to change, to grow, to love, and to live. Chained by their certitudes they are a slave, they have forfeited their freedom. Only a person who risks is free.

           For risking appearing the fool gives that moment of happiness to ourselves, enjoying the little things in life, and appreciating life when the biggest of boulders crush you down.
           For risking appearing sentimental washes away your problems, and relieving the pain in your heart. For showing that we are humans and we all have limitations to our strengths.
           For risking involvement teaches you to care for others and not be selfish. Being social beings, everyone needs a helping hand, thus them appreciating our efforts to lessen their burden.
           For risking exposing your true self proves that you have flaws, that you are imperfect, and humbles you, so that you respect others, and their principles.
           For risking their loss gives you higher determination to chase your dreams. To fight for the things you want most. Drives you to keep moving forward and never looking back.
          For risking to not be loved in return strengthens your heart. Gives you courage to always try, and always keeping your spirit high for love in life plays a fair game, for everyone.
          For risking despair ensures that you keep on believing. Believing that anything is possible and someone or something will always come in your way in life, to help you.
          For risking failure is to give you that first step to success. The first step where no light is seen at the end of the tunnel. The first step where no end is seen among the steep stairs. But you have taken the first step. The step that brings you ever closer to whatever awaits you, at the end. The step that no one dares to take. The first step, is always crucial to success.

Their might be risks, but not taking the risk will keep you caved in the darkness,
Forever.
         

Apr 9, 2014

Which way?

Assalammualaikum :)



We're walking. Moving to a mutual destination. Baby steps, baby steps. Start from cute little baby steps. With our parents holding our hands, walking with us side by side. We follow their path, because we are too young to move alone. As we walk, watching our parents, every step that they take, every move that they make, we learn from them, we think like them to a certain point.

Then we let go, good or bad, we have inherited and started our journey with our parents legacies. Those precious baby steps. Good or bad, we have to keep going. Because these legs are like streams and rivers, they move head on, non-stop, and there's no turning back. 

We're still moving, walking to reach that certain destination that we all look up to. As we move on, we start to learn, that those baby steps, are illusions, just the touch of the surface of reality. Then we start to feel pain. heart breaking, tear dropping, scar bearing pain. But we need to move.

As we go along, we notice, that the road, will always be crossed. Every turn we make will have more turns. But they all lead to the same point. But which way should we go? There are signs, there people on every turn, telling us what lies ahead. We are there, standing, looking around. Constantly asking ourselves, where should I go?

Then we start having people walking beside us. Sharing our journey. They also feel the same way, constantly at war with their carnality, their hearts, on their choice of path. But, you go through it together. Then at one point, they'll make their own turns, and we meet up with new people, sharing our moments during our journey. We all move on. Always thinking, 'whats next?'

We are pressured.
We feel tensed.
For every path we use, every choice we make,
will determine how we reach our destination. and how it will end.


They say change is impossible, its fixed, there's no way YOU can make a change.
They say that when a person is like that, they are like that. You can't change someone when they ARE like that.
They say that nobody's perfect.

Did anyone tell them that YOU can make a change?
Did anyone tell them, that someone CAN change?
Did anyone tell them that at least, people can TRY to become perfect?

How? 

Choices.




Imagine yourself in a situation and you needed to make a choice. Imagine that situation is a really big sphere, and there are many arrows pointing from the center to the outer part of the sphere. These arrows are your choices that determine your outcome of the situation. Once you make a choice, that arrow will lead you to another huge sphere with many other different arrows.

And before making those choices, there are always external factors that manipulate your choices. But in the end, it is you who makes them.

The only thing that's stopping you from making the right choices are:

Pride.
Ego.
Arrogance.
Stubborness.

Its true that we were raised in different environments, different cultures and different teachings, but would it be wise to blame on every single one of them, when God gave you a good mind to analyse so you may choose which one to follow?

And would it be wise to blame other people for your actions? Curse them, humiliate them, bring them a greater pain because you didnt get what you wanted in the end?

To blame the uncontrollable, is unwise.
When you can focus on the things that can be controlled, such as ourselves.



Wounds heal, but scars remain. Stop yourselves from creating wounds, for the pain of the scars is unbearable.

Our imperfections should not be ignored nor should it be emphasized, but it should be reminded, that we have flaws that are needed to be corrected.
Stop focusing on the downfall, and start focusing on the resurrection, for the plannings ahead are the most important.

Our journey has not yet ended, on every turn, there are still reminders, on every path there are still companions, holding your hands and making sure you succeed.

All you need to do,
 is choose :)




Dec 15, 2013

Librarians

Assalammualaikum :)

Whenever you say the word, library, the first thing that comes to mind, iiiiiiiis books :D You see, not many people realize the wonders of books and what books can do to change the world. How? Well you see, IDEAS and BELIEFS are MAN's greatest weapon. And through books we gain ideologies and beliefs. Books, ranging from all topics, genres, codes, scientific information, new discoveries, bound by a strong backbone, these hard copied papers can last for hundreds of years.

The second closest family I could ever want, and have, is my LIBRARIANS.

I started off my life as a librarian in 2010 and continued living a life as a librarian until the end of my school days. Many people question my decision of choosing librarian over prefects, well, simply put, I myself dont follow the rules, and I love books, I could spend hours in the library, if not sleeping, reading :D The satisfaction of arranging the racks of books and finding something really interesting, then you suddenly find yourself indulging in the moment of reading, and absorbing the new knowledge obtained. Another things is the community.

The Librarian community, has its own identity. Like prefects, who are seen, very disciplined, and highly respected, PRS, talkative, happy go lucky, and very understanding, BADAR, alim, wara' and nice people, we librarians are THE HAPPIEST GO LUCKY WHO HAS THE LEAST PROBLEMS AMONG THE FOUR AND WE ARE PROUD, SO VERY PROUD TO BE CALLED A LIBRARIAN.


I also spent most of my time with these guys and I love them and the memories with all my heart. I may be the head Librarian, but it was your contribution that got us to where we are now. 

This is us :D




























These are our memories. We proved that the library is not simply a place, but its a wonder :D

Nadhirah, Nasran, Zakwan, Atiff. Librarians ever since we were form 2. They have been with me through thick and thin and they are very great people :D Miss you guys already.

Form 5 librarians 2013. (not in the picture: Hariz)
The pic simply says AWESOME.

The heir to the throne, Izzul and Afiqah. Make the school proud guys :D

Librarians, the library, has taught me, that knowledge, is never ending. No matter how many books you read, you will never have enough. Always strive in the race to obtain knowledge whether it be religious, science or art. The more you read, the more you dont know about the world. Thats the most fascinating part :)

Librarians, never doubt your capability, remember, we dont take care of books, we take care of knowledge so it can be passed on to the next generation.




Debate Family

Assalammualaikum. :D

You know, after living for 17 years, which I think is quite long, I learnt a lot in life. A lot of experiences has taught me that life, is never easy, and the best way to live a good life, is to move on, expect the unexpected and always be positive in everything we do.

In my five years of school, the closest family to me is my DEBATE FAMILY :D

(there are some of them who couldnt make it)
This was taken in IIUM 2012.

All of these gorgeous people, with witty minds, a really really really good sense of humor, who are very smart, very talkative, very open minded, nice, awesome, all the good words you could ever think of :D I think, out of all the people that I have ever met, these awesome people, are the ones that has made the biggest impact in my life, in terms of how I look at the world, how I assess situations, how I make friends and how I make a good argument so I can kick butt in debate (even when i didnt really do any butt kicking xD). To me, in school, they are the closest, my best memories in school are made with them in the picture. and the best part, THEY ARE ALL SMART AND SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE with really good advice and really nice who like to treat their juniors every time we meet. (kan kan xD)
Abang Haniz Iqbal, Legendary 2nd Speaker, one of the best seniors I ever had, the calmest of the four, 2009.

Kak Syamil Sofiah, on the far right of the picture, the fastest, most amazing third speaker, legendary, she calls me tiny Nabil when I was form one, awesome in every way. Loves to give really good advices, my sifu. 2009

Abang Emir Hatim, handsome eh? haha, I think, the most supportive senior a junior could ever ask for. He would always come to our tournaments, well most of the time la. Sempoi, open minded, LEGENDARY FIRST SPEAKER, and I learnt most of my debating skills from him. hoho :D 2009

Kak Hayatul Wirdah, she's a Malay Debater, but since she usually speaks in English and always help us English Debaters, I regard her as an English debater :D Haha, one of the most sporting. Awesome, very nice, loves to laugh and has a really good sense of humor and suka belanja orang dan masih suka belanja xD 2009 

These are my debate seniors when I was in form 1. I started my debate in career when I was in form 1 and they helped me out, all through the year, directly and indirectly :D THANK YOUUU :D

Then we have 2010 :D

This is Abang Akhiar Khalil. Head Prefect of 2010, one of the smartest students in school, has really brilliant ideas and loves football. Also one of the most supportive of seniors in terms of debate :D

Abang Wan Ahmad Syahir, hes on the left. he is actually a year younger then Abang Akhiar, but because of his excellency in almost everything he does, it made him eligible to be where he is now, USA :D Sporting, easy going, and has a really good sense of humor. AWESOME.

And there's Kak Zalikha, she is on the second row, from the left in the top picture. She's like an all goer as longs my memory takes me back. She can bring all the positions well, whether its the first, second or third speaker. Shes nice, pretty and really smart. And one of the most happy go lucky person I've ever met. :D

2011, by far, the best year, best memories, and the best experience I had :D
This is my 2011 team. We made it to the quarter finals, and ONLY the quarter finals. It was my fault that we couldn't go further. IM TRULY SORRY, I felt really guilty. Thanks for all the good memories we had guys :D This will be my best year of school that I will remember and treasure forever.

Introduciiiiiiiiing, Kak Ezlyni aka Kak Lyni. We call her SUPER SENIOR. Why? Amidst all the responsibilities she has, as a prefect, Penolong Ketua Rumah, she always makes time for debate. She always made sure we train hard, and she always spends time with us. She has the capability of organizing almost everything, from our cases, to our points and she is super calm and friendly.  She has beautiful handwriting and the way she debates mesmerizes the audience :D She is now in Russia. Miss her badly. She's like my older sister I never had. xD

 Next off, Kaaaaaaaak Ainaa Najihah :D Words cant describe how awesome she is. Okay, i'll describe her, she's annoying, because I annoy her first. Haha, we usually play a game, 'main score', whoever gets to kenekan the most, wins. And I usually win this game :D And because of my tendency of almost nagging at her, like an old man, as she says it, she calls me OMC. Old Man Child. She says I am two faced, who nags like an old man, but immature like a child. I regard her highly due to her amazing ability to study and score in her examinations and in debate. In real life, you might see her as an, ayu *wekk, type of girl, but when you see her debate, she would be like 'kneeel before me', kind of debater xD Thank you Kak Ainaa, for everything :D

Now, on the left of this picture, you'll see a quite short of a person. This is, SYASYA ALINA. My batchmate :D I think, by far, she is the closest girl, in Intesaber, during my five years there. She's like my other half. It would be impossible if we didn't quarrel if we ever met. Never once have we agreed on anything, hahaha, but I guess thats what makes us awesome :D She really loves chocolate, and loves reading books, like me. She is the top student in my batch, has a really good sense of humor and a really good debater. Even though it breaks my heart to see you leave debate after form 4, those memories could never die, and you will always be my awesome friend who I could speak English with, and a friend who I can depend on. Thanks :D (Oh yeah, she's in the process of learning how to cook, so pray for her, and she promised me that she'll invite me to her house, and then meals are all cooked by her ) haha xD

This was in 2011 and it was awesome. Words cant describe how awesome we were. the time we spent together in the Reference room in the library. All the truancy we did for debate. Haha, the sleeping hours we spent in the library, TED, our mind maps and points, our dictionary and Kak Ainaa's laptop which also has a name but I forgot somehow. The pressure we endured together. Everything. It was awesome and I am very happy to be there with you guys :D


This was taken in Universitas Padjajaran, Bandung, Indonesia. On the left of the picture, you can notice this big blob. Hahaha, that is Nadia Najihah. She officially started debating in 2012 at the Seri Iskandar Debate Open (SIDEO), and became my teammate in 2013. Its unfortunate that we dont have a picture. She is, by far, THE most annoying person you could ever meet. Hahaha, her laughs shakes the world. But despite her annoying mouth, she is someone who loves her friends, but some reason, she seems to face a lot of problems. Hahaha, never fret, Allah will always be there for you. Keep calm and pray Nad. All the best for next year!

2012-

This is the awesome Sheikh Naim. He's like one of the coolest guy i've ever met. You could never find someone calm and easy going, but smart and very flexible at the same time. He taught me how to be optimistic and sometimes, life just needs a little rest from the race. He also taught me how to do a frontflip, which is quite awesome actually xD haha, soon to be his junior, again, Insyaallah :D

The guy at the front? he's an artist :D Hariz Jamaluddin a former debater, even though he only debated for one year, I still regard him as a debater because he was my teammate for a lot of competitions. This was taken during SIDEO, and since it was a British Parliamentary Debate, he was my partner. He is a really smart guy, who has a great voice and has a way of talking with people, that other people find comfortable.

2013?

yeah, not much pictures, since Syasya and Hariz couldn't debate, I was the only form 5 left who had to lead my juniors. I have to say, I didnt do a really good job at that, hehe, and i'm sorry guys. But you guys have potential, so strive and do the best for next year!

Oh yeah, and not forgetting the BM team!

Abang Rahim :D We were the only guys that went to HKSBP 2011. So we spent a lot of time together, and this was what we did during our free time. Haha, he is one awesome guy, who love to love and very very very very very pandai :D (I used the term pandai instead of smart, because it sounds more umph)

From the left: Abang Ulul Ahlam, Abang Izwan, Cikgu Salina, Abang Redzuan, and Abang Rahim.
The Quarters, I think, 2012, with KUSESS, HKSBP.
From the left, Muhammad Ammar bin Abd Khalim Khafidz, Kak Farah Nadhiera, Kak Izzati Izlan, and Kak Aisyah Amna.

Words can't describe the awesome memories we all had in this family, let it continue :)








(Dont mind the awful grammar and missed out words and typos :D)








Music to my ears